My dad is a guy’s guy. Mr. Fix-it, Dr. Dad, Jack-of-all-trades wrapped into one 6’2” package. He doesn’t hire out he fixes or invents a new workable solution. He’s stubborn, thinks he’s always right (which most of the time he is) and he’s the most generous person you’ll ever meet. As it turns out, if you look up the definition for daddy’s little girl you’ll see a picture of me. He calls us twins and then says I’m the ugly one. I love my dad.
My dad always bought our vehicles straight from the old owner. I’m not sure if he doesn’t like salespeople or what, but he never went to car lots to look for vehicles. He would just be out in neighborhoods running his businesses when he would come across a truck with a for sale sign in the window. If its what he was looking for he’d purchase it right then and there.
When those used vehicles needed work he was out there with his wrenches and ratchets fixing them no matter what Minnesota weather was happening around him. The rumors that you’ve heard about Minnesota weather are TRUE. Blizzards and ice so thick on the roads you could skate on them, are true. The 5’ foot snow drifts around corners make it impossible to drive in the winters. It’s been a while since we’ve had snow like that but it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen again.
Since my mom and I have ALWAYS butted heads, as soon as my dad would get home I’d follow him outside to help him however I could. Most of the time that meant holding the flashlight juussttt right so he could see into the smallest places and fix whatever needed fixing. I spent a lot of time outside, holding flashlights which would dub as microphones while my dad was preoccupied with something else.
No matter the weather or the season, if my dad was outside so was I. If the snow was two feet deep, it didn’t matter to me that I could barely walk in it, I just walked in his footsteps following, always. The length of his legs made this difficult his strides were so large I’d have to almost jump from one to the next. When Spring melted the snow I walked in this mud prints. As more seasons passed, I got older my legs longer and his strides were easier and easier to reach I hardly ever walked beside I was just following.
I didn’t actual realize this until a couple weeks ago.
I’ve been a Fierce Forward Ambassador for quite some time now. (If you haven’t heard of Fierce Forward you are missing out!) Fierce Forward is about living with intention, following your heart and living the life you want. A couple weeks ago, I was out at my parents helping my dad. Just like old times I walked behind following his footsteps. There wasn’t any snow or mud or anything that would want me to keep my shoes from getting dirty it was a strictly out of habit thing. Mid stride, an epiphany washed over me. My whole life, all 29+ years I have been following. I’ve never once strayed from his path let alone his approval.
My dad is a great man, a generous man but he’s not me. I can’t live a life I want to by following. I have to walk my own path. Even if my path means looks and stares even snide comments from people I care about, it’s still MY path to walk. I don’t think that he expected me to (literally) follow in his footsteps, actually I think if I brought it up to him he’d probably say I’ve lead my own path the whole way. While I have done a bunch of stuff that raised his eyebrows – including but not limited to: traveling to Europe alone, moving to Michigan for a bit and I won’t even begin to talk about the guys I dated that I NEVER introduced him too – but still I have yet to slice my way through my life.
As the snow begins to fall this year, I will carve my own way because if you can’t live for yourself who can you live for?
Much love,
Jes xo