I’ve never been good at dating. Like NEVER. I was so bad at it, it literally still surprises me that I’m married with kids.
In High School, I didn’t have a boyfriend. I liked to tell myself it was because I didn’t want to be locker room talk but in all actuality I wasn’t asked out.
And then there was Jacob….
Jacob was a grade younger than me. He was really nice and kind of cute. He sang and played guitar in a punk band (which may have helped the cute factor). They played at coffee shops all over the place and I went to quite a few of his shows. I love punk music, lattes and his band made some pretty great catchy songs that I loved bopping around to with my other punk loving friends.
Whenever Jacob would see me in the halls at school he’d ALWAYS say hi to me using my entire name. He loved the fact that it rhymed. One February, Jacob stopped me in the halls and asked me if he could write a song about me. I was SHOCKED! I mean, what girl doesn’t want a song written about her?! Weeks later, I went to one of his shows, completely forgetting about his question. Partially because, I thought he was joking and there wasn’t enough time to write a song; I thought…
Imagine my surprise, walking into the venue, ordering a chai latte, getting ready to bop around to some familiar tunes when out of NO WHERE this song starts and I immediately know it’s the song he wrote for me. You might be wondering how I would know for sure that the song is written about me. I mean, plenty of people write songs all the time about people and no one knows for sure who the songs about. I am certain the song was about me because HE. USED. MY. ENTIRE. NAME. IN. THE. LYRICS.
Now you might be thinking, that’s sweet, except you’d be wrong.
“Jessie Rodeski why won’t you be my girl? Jessie Rodeski…” and while I can’t remember the exact quote it was basically him saying that I wouldn’t go out with him and he wanted to ask me to prom but he knows I would say no.
Maybe you’ve been a fan of local music…maybe not…in case you haven’t been let me give you a little background. It’s like a small community, a network of the same people going to the same shows. People get to know you really fast. Everyone at this show knew me. I was mortified. Had I known the song would be like this, I would have DEFINITELY said NO! In my defense, he NEVER asked me out or to prom. While I didn’t have a crush on him I may have gone with him, had he asked me.
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Next we have Dave…
Dave, also younger, but went to a different school that was about 40 or so miles away. I met Dave at some church event my neighbor invited me to. Dave was VERY cute. So cute I was surprised he talked to me let alone asked for my phone number. It might have actually worked out with him too if it weren’t for one minor detail.
It was the summer of my sophomore year in High School. I decided to apply at the car wash in the next town over. “Working at the car wash” had always been a fun sounding job. It was going to be a great summer! I told Dave that I started that weekend and I was so excited about it! He asked me how many girls worked there. I told him none. Technically my neighbor would work some shifts, but she wasn’t old enough to be on the payroll. He forbid me to work there. He literally said to me, “I forbid you to work there”.
I knew right then and there, we would NEVER work out. The wash that summer was just as fun as I expected it to be.
* *
Then we have Fred…
Ok, his name isn’t Fred but I can’t bring myself to actually confess his true identity. Fred is the first love of my life. I had had countless crushes before him but I actually fell, and fell hard for Fred. I mean, I spent ages 13-18 on the same summer crush, which never panned out (sadly). I was 18 when I met Fred.
Fred wasn’t the settle down type. Much like Jacob, he also played guitar in a band and liked the fact that my name rhymed. If I had a dollar for every time Fred told me that he didn’t want a girlfriend, I just got out of a serious relationship, can we just be friends with benefits, I would probably be retired now sipping umbrella drinks on a beach somewhere.
Unfortunately I fell for his charm. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize when he said he didn’t want a girlfriend, he was really saying he didn’t want ME to be his girlfriend. In the 7 years I loved him he had many girlfriends. After the breakups he would find me and say the same “I don’t want a girlfriend, I just got out of a serious relationship, can we just be friends with benefits” speech. And I fell for that speech Every. Single. Time.
I’m embarrassed to say that I fell for it up until he got married (the first time).
* *
Now Larry…
Larry was VERY similar to Fred, his speech and actions were oddly identical. Which made me start thinking, it’s me; I’m not girlfriend material. For a while I believe that, and tried to act like I wasn’t girlfriend material but juggling dates and guys didn’t work out for me.
Larry didn’t have quite the charm Fred had but he did have the girlfriends…
Larry moved from the cities (where I met him) back to his home town, a few hours north. He invited me up to his new place a few times. One of the times, he took me to this pizza place for lunch when he saw this crazy girl walking outside. He told me she was a real nut job. She was going around telling people that he was her boyfriend! She came in the pizza place, introduced herself as herself, not as a girlfriend and left, she seemed nice enough.
A couple months later, Larry came down to visit and called me. I went over to his old place, where his ex-roommates still lived and they told me about the house party they were having the next day they begged me to come. Originally I had other plans, but I really liked those roommates and decided to change my plans. They were having a live punk band playing and well…I already told you how I feel about punk music.
The party was amazing, met every expectation! And wouldn’t you know, Larry’s girlfriend was there…the same nut job from the pizza place. Larry’s ex-roommates knew I didn’t know about her and then watched as she grabbed my hand and held it while she told me how great her boyfriend was. Little did she know he was a cheating prick. The good news is those Washington Apple shots the ex-roommates were selling to everyone else were free for me. I definitely drank my share.
Those ex-roommates were blessings. They sabotaged the Bro-Code to open my eyes up. Now you would probably think after THAT party, I’d never talk to him again. I should have listened to you, but didn’t. It was until I met his Dad and Step Mom that I would come to my senses. He was visiting again and wanted to know if I wanted to get together after he had dinner. I met the three of them at a small bar.
I instantly liked his other parents. His step mom told me that Larry was so cute at dinner, he kept checking his phone to see if I had called him. After Larry and I schooled them in pool those two hit the dart boards while Larry and I grabbed a couple seats at the bar. We were talking about something, not sure what, when his dad came up to us. His dad looked at me and asked me if I was single to which I replied, yes I am. Then he looked at Larry and said I know he’s single, so…why don’t we fix that and you two couple up. Larry dismissed his dad saying, “it’s not like that”.
Light bulb.
F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.
* *
Meet Nathan…
Nathan is younger than me (although I don’t like to admit it). I’ve known him since I was eight or nine years young. I’ve seen him in his superhero underwear, watched him walk through fire and thought his blue eyes were dreamy during his bowl haircut stage.
I’ve known Nathan as long as I’ve lived in Minnesota. We don’t have a super cute story about how we fell in love over the years and years of knowing each other. In fact it had been YEARS since I saw him. There was a lull in the Fred / Larry time of my life. I decided to take my parents up on their offer of going to a bachelor / bachelorette party for some old family friends.
When Nathan got out of his truck I was surprised at how good the years had treated him. We all piled on a party bus and spent the late afternoon to night bar hoping where NO one but my parents talked to me. I sat next to my parents bar after bar after bar only talking to them. I couldn’t believe I had given up a Saturday night in Minneapolis to venture to Hicksville only to be ignored. What was I thinking?
When we arrived at the last bar of the night, I was one of the last ones off the bus. Nathan was standing outside of the doors waiting for me. He asked me to come with him apparently he had to show me something. I, being in Hicksville, thought he was going to show me a bumper sticker or the mud flaps on the back of the bus. He didn’t actually show me anything or say anything he just kissed me.
Before my parents and I left that night he got my number and said he would call the next day. I was surprised when he did call. We’ve been together ever since.
* *
While I was writing this, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. I laughed at all the red flags I was blinded to. I laughed at all the other things that happened within these few that I didn’t share. I laughed at all the good times I had during those years in my life and I laughed at where we all ended up. All married, most if not all of us have kids.
After quite a bit of laughing and shaking my head I realized that I did it all for Love. I put up with too many things because #1. I wholeheartedly believe in love, #2. I believe there is soul mates and people for everyone, #3. I think everyone that you come in contact with was destined to meet you and have some effect on your life and finally because He’s Just Not That Into You wasn’t published until 2004, which coincidentally was the year I started dating Nathan.
Much Love,
Jes xoxo
Full disclosure? This doesn’t even put a dent in my dating iceberg.