Two years ago $#!t when down in the neighborhood. When I say $#!t went down, I mean it exploded. It was kind of like a constipated infant that gets a little bit of apple juice to help things along; when the rumbling starts watch out because it goes up the back, in the hair, literally everywhere.
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Eight years ago, we were house hunting. To say we looked at 100 houses wouldn’t be an exaggeration. Our real estate agents were probably sick of hanging out with us every single weekend. It’s not like we were picky, either. We put in about 5 offers on other houses and were either outbid or the appraisal went south and we bailed on a sinking ship. I was ready to quit. I wanted to get married first then re-start the aggravating process of trying to find a home. I was over-ruled.
One week in January we were getting for another weekend of trying to find The One. Our real estate agents sent us an email earlier in the week and only a couple of them looked interesting. There was one that was way bigger than we were looking for but I put it on the view list because I didn’t want to go out for 2 houses. The two we planned on seeing were not interesting. One had miniature everything in it. Mini refrigerator, mini stove, mini rooms, everything was mini. The other was ok, it was kind of on a bad road and when we were looking we had kids in mind. The only one left, for the day, was the big one. The one my boyfriend (at the time) didn’t even want to look at.
It was off the beaten path, out of the chaos with a lake right at the end of the road. When we pulled up my boyfriend said that it was talking to him. We toured and as it turns out a lot of the rooms didn’t even need to be heated, which was a concern. The yard was big and fenced in, another plus! We had little dogs that we wanted to let outside without worrying about them running away or getting run over. The neighborhood looked good. There was a daycare across the street and looked to be some younger couples like us and some older people. We put in an offer later that same week.
It’s the house we would start a marriage and family in; it’s the house we currently live in. It’s the house we would live in when the $#!t goes down.
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The sellers wanted to sell quickly. There was an added benefit to our real estate agents if it sold within the next 45 days after we looked at it. That worked out perfectly because we had already put in our notice at our apartment and that would give us two weeks to move, clean and all that other jazz. Move in weekend was an entirely different, VERY embarrassing story that I may share some other time, definitely NOT today.
I met the neighbor we share a yard with Home Improvement style…over a fence. We talked all the time him on his side, me on mine. It was an odd experience. He was nice enough but he was from the bad part of a big city and he said that he wanted to bring some of that to this town. Not exactly what I was looking for, I mean kids were eventually going to happen and bringing bad parts of big cities wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
The two of us chatted for months. He never met my boyfriend and I never met his girlfriend. We always talked about it but our others never came out of the house. One weekend in August we were having a bonfire in the backyard and I saw my fence friend outside. I invited him over and he said he might but he never showed. His girlfriend did though and she brought a couple of friends. We hit it off just fine. It actually sparked quite a bit of weekend drinking together on and off at first then full-blown as time passed. There was also a couple across the street they have 4 kids and she runs a daycare, we’re all about the same age but my yard shares didn’t like that couple.
Time goes on and our relationship with the yard shares gets stronger and stronger. They had kids then we had kids. We do pretty much everything together and it’s so convenient because we don’t have to plan a sitter to hang out. The baby monitors reach to each other’s house. The couple across the street does eventually start hanging out with us, partially on my doing. I felt bad that they were left out.
Shit started to get bad when my boy was going to daycare across the street. When I had him I was over there a lot. I wanted to see how she operated and all of that. I didn’t have to go back to work until August so I made a weekly trip over there all summer long. On my boy’s first day at her house, she sends a note home saying she’s not doing the at home care, she’s moving to a center. I considered her a friend and on his FIRST day after I had been going over there and off work ALL SUMMER she tells me by note that she’s quoting.
It took a while but I practice forgiveness and eventually I was able to forgive her. Slowly they weasel their way back into our outdoor get-togethers. My boy even went back over there for daycare. Turns out the center didn’t work for her family.
When I got pregnant with my second one, that’s when things stared changing. The original couple already had two kids and the couple across the street had four; both of their families were complete. We still had one to go. By this time the drinking every weekend all weekend long was routine. The hangovers and eating bad was just something we did. Luckily I got pregnant when I did. My little guy saved me. I had an out, an excuse to not partake in the lifestyle that was taking over my life. So I stopped hanging out. My boyfriend turned husband had a little harder time quitting cold turkey and managed to get himself thrown out of the group, which I didn’t even realize because I was so happy that I had got my out.
My husband was playing darts with our yard neighbors wife and my first neighborhood friend did NOT like it one bit. I get it. Man, woman, drinks in hand, late at night, it’s trouble brewing in a petri dish. We were the outcasts. The glue that once held everyone together becomes the left out. We tried to mend it. We tried to get things at least civil. That didn’t work, in fact things got bad two broken windows and stolen things to be exact. I brought it to their attention, again trying to mend; I mean we’re the Godparents of the yard sharers son! We need to be able to have a relationship!!
Over the last Christmas I thought things were going to get better. The wife came over to hang out for a bit and we exchanged gifts for the kids. The problem is I had friends over and she was extremely rude. The night ended with her at her doorstep in tears. I have a feeling it’s over between us and there really isn’t hope for any sort of relationship working out. The thing is I’m fine with it. I’ve offered to have her join me for a yoga session or meditation, she has declined.
I believe that you meet people for a reason. Everyone, no matter how long the encounter, is meant for you to meet. I believe I met her to be the person to introduce her to her BFF, the neighbor across the street, who she wouldn’t have given the time of day had it not been for me. I’m happy to do that for them.
Recently this week, I came home after work it was dark out. The house was still and no one was home. While I was standing outside I heard something. It sounded like water running. Someone came over to our house and turned our hose on, in the middle of winter. Who knows how long it had been running. At first I was upset. We don’t bother the neighbors. We keep to ourselves as we have for two years now. I’m not sure why our house and things get messed with. Our car has been broken into a couple of times; we’ve had windows broken, things stolen and most recently the hose instance.
Tuesday, as I stood in the cold turning the hose off, I thought I could be really upset and make a big fuss of this. I could stomp over and demand to be left alone. I could have done the same to both neighbors or worse. Or I could be me. I could choose forgiving, loving thoughts and just let it be. Maybe things will get worse. Maybe things will continue to be the same. Maybe more things will be stolen or broken. Maybe they will get sick of messing with someone who doesn’t mess back. Time will tell.
We found a small leak in the basement later that night. Whether it was from the hose instance or just a coincidence, I have no idea. I do know that it didn’t change my thought toward our neighbors. Instead of seething and plotting revenge I sit here radiating love for the four of them. I hope they can feel the positive energy and some day I hope it returns in our favor. If it doesn’t that’s ok, it won’t change my mind.
Much love for you, for them and everyone in between.
Jes xoxo