Everywhere you look everyone is trying to one up each other. My kid’s an honor student, my dad is stronger than your dad, ect… Some people may not even say it but if you tell them an accomplishment of yours right away their mind goes to a better accomplishment they have achieved. Why is that? When did life become about a competition and not about coming together and raising each other up? It’s keeping up with the Jones on steroids.
Last Saturday I ran a half marathon, my first one. There were some ups and downs on the 13.1 mile journey. More downs than ups, but the positive take away is I finished! When I went to go pick up my boys, my friend’s kid asked me how it went and I was real with him and said it sucked. 13.1 miles straight it’s just not my cup of tea . 10 miles is my max. He told his buddy who was with him that I had run a half marathon that morning. He was excited for me. His buddy said, “so, my dad’s run a marathon before”.
As I took the one-up’d bullet, I realized how often people one up. It’s everywhere. I was surprised at how young the kids start. At the playground you hear it all the time. A kid will be riding his brand new bike and excited to tell his buddy about it but the buddy just says, so and fills lets his friend down with a story of his new four wheeler he has at his house. Does it begin as soon as they can talk? Or do kids learn it from adults?
When my oldest was turning two he was a good talker. Complete sentences and you could understand him perfectly. My brother-in-law started dating this girl that also had a niece that was around the same age and my brother-in-law would always compare the kids and mention every time the two were brought up how much better of a talker his nephew was. Do kids see and hear that and then learn from the ways of the adults? I don’t consider myself a one-upper. If my friends or people I know have something great that happens to them I celebrate with them! It’s feels good to be proud of people and to share in their great news!
And then comes the worst one-up story I have ever been a part of. It starts with this girl I know, a not very nice girl. She’s planning on getting engaged to someone I’m close with. On more than one occasion she’s asked how many carats my diamond ring was, not because she was flabbergasted by the size but because she needed bigger. She would comment all the time about how her ring HAS to be bigger than mine.
What she doesn’t realize is marriage is not about a big fancy ring and anyone that thinks it is is screwed from the get go.
I had the big fancy ring with the wedding and all the jazz included. That marriage didn’t really work out for me. We took a step back, sold the ring and that was that.
Now I’m in this completely different relationship. One where we’re teammates, celebrate each others accomplishments, support each other and all that is included. I don’t wear a ring. This doesn’t mean that I don’t plan on ever wearing one because I do, eventually. When we find one that’s simple and representing of the bond we have. There is no need for me to have something to show off. I don’t need my relationship to one-up anyone. An intimate relationship should stay between the two.
Life is about comradely. It’s about coming together, lifting each other up. We make life so hard on each other, but let’s not do that. Instead I challenge you to celebrate with someone.